Closing the Distance Problems & How to Fix Them

January 15, 2012 by 2 Comments

The day has finally arrived: you are officially closing the distance. Congratulations! The struggles and sadness of a long-distance relationship are over and everything will be perfect, right?

If only that was true! For many couples, closing the distance is even harder than beginning a long-distance relationship. It doesn’t have to be so difficult, though, if you anticipate the problems you might face and tackle them head on.

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Loneliness

When you move to a new place, you probably won’t have a set of friends to fall in with right away. It might even feel impossible to make new friends when everyone is so different. While it’s important to keep in contact with your old friends, try not to spend all your time browsing Facebook and feeling bad about the fun stuff you’re missing. Instead, spend some time trying to meet new people with similar interests. I’d really recommend taking some kind of class (language, fitness, art, cooking, etc.) You can learn something new and meet people at the same time. If you moved to a country with a different native language than your own, taking a language class is a fantastic idea. You’ll meet a lot of people in situations similar to yours.

Bottom line: It’s normal to feel lonely, but don’t let that stop you from going out and meeting new friends.

Homesickness & hating your new country

It’s hard to believe that people work so hard to close the distance, then immediately hate the country to which they have moved. It is pretty common, though! Suddenly you feel like this new country is inferior to your home country in just about every way. You hate the weather, hate the food, hate the scenery. I think it’s safe to say that everyone who has traveled abroad extensively has had some of these feelings on at least one occasion. When I felt that way, I reminded myself that many people would be jealous of my opportunity to move to a new country. It helped me see the experience as a fun adventure as opposed to a forced move.

Bottom line: Every country in the world has pros and cons. Find those pros! Remember that not everyone has the opportunity to experience a new country, so enjoy it.

Role changes

Prior to closing the distance, I had only visited my partner in his country. He was never able to visit me in the United States. When I lived with him overseas, I was on his turf. He worked full time and taught me how to live in a new country. We spent time with his friends in his favorite places in his country. When we closed the distance, he moved to a country he’d never even visited before. Suddenly, our roles were reversed! I became the one “in charge” since he was new to my country. This role reversal made us both uncomfortable. Be aware that this may happen when you close the distance. Your roles will slowly start to balance once the mover gets used to his or her new home.

Bottom line: Don’t freak out if your relationship feels weird after the move. It’s a big transition and it takes time to settle in to the new situation.

Give it time

After putting in so much work to close the distance, facing these problems can make you feel like you made a big mistake. It’s important to give yourself some “transition time” to get used to your new life before you start to panic. When you make some friends, enjoy your new country and love your partner, that blissful closing-the-distance feeling will find you.

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Tips for Surviving an LDR During the Holidays

December 25, 2011 by 1 Comment

Holidays, just like birthdays, are some of the hardest times to be without your significant other. Here are some tips on how to keep the holidays happy, no matter what you celebrate:

 


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1. Recognize that everyone, including your SO, has their own holiday baggage.

My mother, who is a minister and works with people on all sorts of things during Christmas season, once told me a story about how a man became extremely upset at her when the church wanted to change a Christmas tradition around. It was a large reaction to a minor change, and my mother ended her story with telling me she doesn’t get upset when people do this, because holidays hold a different set of emotional baggage for each person. That reaction was not directed at her, but the change.

You may have a similar incident which shocks you. Perhaps they hate Christmas, or make fun of the holiday music or traditions you love. If it happens, take a step back and keep your cool. Remind yourself that while maybe they should have thought about what they said before saying it, sometimes it just comes out before we have a chance to think about it.

2. Make sure to discuss time together during the season.

It’s hard to make time for each other during the holidays. Family events, parties, final exams, end of school terms – all sorts of endings and special events are going on at the same time. Make sure to claim a spot of that time for each other, even if it’s just a quick talk, and do your best to stick by it. You and your relationship are important.

Having said that, keep in mind that your idea of how much time may be different from theirs, so stay flexible. You’ll be back to your regular nights before you know it.

3. Keep it simple.

You may start out with all of these plans you want to do. Maybe it’s recording a video, sending 12 presents or some other elaborate special idea. Don’t worry about having to go over the top for them; just pick one meaningful thing, and stick with it. Your SO will appreciate a gift or a card, or even a video chat. You don’t need to be original or the most inventive person ever to give your SO a lovely holiday surprise. Keep it from the heart.

4. Take time for everyone else.

When pining for a loved one, it’s easy to overlook the siblings who want to spend time with you, or the parents who want to have dinner with all of their kids. Don’t let your relationship run your life. Enjoy all of the seasonal events with your family and friends. Go to that concert you really want to see with no regrets, even if it does mean missing a chat.

And remember: one day you may not have a chance to enjoy these things with everyone, if you’re moving abroad to live with your SO. So enjoy it while you can.

 

A very Happy Holidays to all!

 

Marisol Dunham has been a freelance writer since 2007, and now lives with her once long-distance boyfriend in Australia. An American wandering the bush, she writes about her life and writing ventures on her blog at http://www.madunham.com/. You can find her on Twitter at @maridunham.

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Missing your Partner: How to Handle LDR Loneliness

September 21, 2011 by 5 Comments

Loneliness is a feeling that everyone in a long-distance relationship (LDR) is familiar with.  It can be hard to talk about missing your partner with friends or family members who haven’t been far from their partner for an extended period of time.  Finding other ways to ease the pain of loneliness is essential to surviving your long-distance relationship.  Below are some ways to handle the LDR loneliness.

Leaving Yerevan... [Explored]
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Ways to Combat Loneliness in a Long-Distance Relationship

Keep a journal.  Writing, especially private journaling, is a low-stress way to get all of your emotions off your chest.  No one reads your journal except you, so you can feel free to rant and rave and write anything you feel.

Throw yourself in to your work.  Take on extra projects, work over time and try to get straight As in school.  Focusing your energy on working and studying will leave you too tired to be lonely.  While you’re working (or studying), remember that the money you make and the grades you earn will have a positive impact on your future with your partner.

Pick up a new hobby.  Learning something new is a good way to keep your mind off your loneliness and help you feel happier and more confident because of your accomplishment.  You can combine your new hobby with the tip above by learning something that looks good on your resumé, such as a foreign language.

Listen to music.  The right song can change your mood completely.  If you feel like embracing your loneliness, try songs about long-distance relationships or a song that has special meaning to you and your partner.   If you’d rather cheer yourself up, listen to something upbeat with a happy vibe.  If you’re not a music person, watching a movie may be able to distract you from your loneliness.

Have a good cry.  People always say that there’s nothing wrong with crying and it’s true!  Tears can help you release your emotions and feel calm again.

Talk with other people in long-distance relationships.  There are some great online communities where people in long-distance relationships gather.

How do you cope when you’re missing your partner?  Please feel free to give other suggestions in the comments section below. 

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